I’ve gotten addicted to hanging out on Goodreads (an online book review site) and reading reviews. It’s fun to pick a controversial book—like American Dirt, or Thirteen Reasons Why—and see what readers think. Sometimes, after reading all the comments, I’ll rush out to find a particular book, or cross it off my list.
Reading memoir reviews is enlightening, and a little scary. My own debut memoir was just published, and is ready for public scrutiny. They say authors need thick skin, but I think memoirists need the thickest skin of all. After all, readers aren’t just judging your concept, your writing, or your ability to keep them entertained. They’re evaluating YOU. The choices you made, the people you hung out with, the attitudes you carried, and the person you are. If you put yourself out there, warts and all, you need to brace yourself.
Many Goodreads memoir reviewers acknowledge this. “I know I shouldn’t sit in judgement on this person’s life, but…” Or, “It’s hard to separate the story from the person telling it….” Or simply, “I stopped reading because the writer came across as whiny/entitled/out-of-touch/bitter/arrogant”…et cetera. Ouch.
Reviewers notice things. They call out memoir writers for being too explicit, or for withholding important information. For telling stories that feel one-sided, and for airing other people’s laundry. For repeating the same stupid life mistakes over and over. For living a life that’s unrelatable, or for dwelling on the mundane. For being essentially the same person at the end of the memoir as you were at the beginning. For being too complacent, too wild, too navel-gazing, too critical, or too oblivious. For making religious or moral choices the reader disagrees with. For exaggerating one’s misery, or behaving like a victim. For having different ways of coping with challenges than they have. For sharing parts of ourselves that the world usually hides. For believing our story deserves to be a book.
And that’s on TOP of being judged as a writer. When the review stars are awarded—or withheld—how does the memoirist evaluate her score? Is she being graded on writing a compelling memoir, or on how she behaved? Can a well-written memoir overcome an unlikeable or unrelatable protagonist—herself?
I applaud anyone bold enough to publish a memoir, but here are my caveats.
Unless your story is truly remarkable, you need to be a very accomplished writer to pull off a great memoir. Honesty and deep emotions and personal drama are not enough.
Don’t write your memoir till you’ve really processed your story—in real life. Waiting ten or twenty years to reflect on your past can really pay off in wisdom and perspective. I waited nearly 40 years to write mine. Practice other writing first. Learn the craft.
Read LOTS and LOTS of memoirs to see what’s out there, and how your story compares. And read lots memoir reviews on Goodreads; you’ll quickly learn what readers enjoy, and what makes them throw books across the room.
And if, in the process, you get addicted to reading reviews…I’ll meet you over at Goodreads!